Nine days before surgery day. Admittedly, the butterflies in my stomach multiply the closer we get to the day. People keep commenting, "Well at least you've been through this before. You know what to expect." And while that's true...I'm not sure it really makes it any easier.
With Ryan, I had so much nervous adrenaline pumping through me it gave me the determination to study things out and find the treatment I felt was best for him. But now there is not the need to study it out. I already know the decision...I just have the nerves and worries of being the mom about to put her infant through surgery.
It's also hard not to feel a bit of guilt. I wonder if there was something wrong with me that caused this in them. Have it in one child and you can easily brush it off as a fluke. But two? There has to be a reason.
There is a genetic component to this I am told. Though so little is known about that. No one else in either of our families has it. So why did it start now? There are so many questions but no real answers.
"Poor kid. Doesn't have a clue what is about to happen," many have said. I know...I know... :(
I am just thankful that it can be fixed. And I just need to trust that everything will turn out just fine....just as it did for Ryan and so many others!
With Ryan, I had so much nervous adrenaline pumping through me it gave me the determination to study things out and find the treatment I felt was best for him. But now there is not the need to study it out. I already know the decision...I just have the nerves and worries of being the mom about to put her infant through surgery.
It's also hard not to feel a bit of guilt. I wonder if there was something wrong with me that caused this in them. Have it in one child and you can easily brush it off as a fluke. But two? There has to be a reason.
There is a genetic component to this I am told. Though so little is known about that. No one else in either of our families has it. So why did it start now? There are so many questions but no real answers.
"Poor kid. Doesn't have a clue what is about to happen," many have said. I know...I know... :(
I am just thankful that it can be fixed. And I just need to trust that everything will turn out just fine....just as it did for Ryan and so many others!
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